TaperTantrum , proceed with caution

”I’ll be two minutes she says”. Sound, two minutes I can deal with that. Two minutes are never two minutes but to an individual teetering on the edge of Taper it’s like a death sentence. The slightest thing can set off a fragile mind. One is constantly operating or trying to operate within the realms of some restraint. Mainly mental. The aggravation mimics road rage, move lanes  without indicating and your mind is on edge.

Always on edge, am i pushing hard enough, I think I am going to bonk, I am over weight, cant believe I ate two sandwiches, I’m 6 pounds over weight- whats the point in even hitting the start line sure I am as fat as a fool.

Its close to taper time, when 11 months of training come to an end, when training volume decreases from bonkers to manageable. When long bikes on famine roads bereft of traffic for hours melt into short sharp efforts. The signs start as psychological and then physical. Restless leg syndrome starts , it looks like you are on ”28 days later” after being bitten by a zombie. First restless leg, then full blown zombie mode eating the flesh with a nice piece of liver. Then adrenaline rushes, one starts looking at next years calendar. Without having started this seasons Ironman you are looking at where would be good in 2018. Fock it ill do 3 .

Then doubts, maybe I have not done enough, I missed a few sessions in June – I wonder what effect that will have on the day. How am i going to shed a few more lbs when I am already turning into Roger Rabbit. The list is endless.

6 Ironman’s in, experience does not alter the psychological and physical nuances, maybe its a combination of all that adrenaline, energy, dreams , thoughts and efforts.

I have no choice I once said to my beautiful wife before falling asleep one night, she looked at me like she could have stabbed me repeatedly somehow with an iphone. ”You do have a choice” she said  (enter in as many expletives here as you like to mimic actual conversation)  but choice of what. Yes, one is borderline ADHD, split personality , and god knows what other spectrum in Ironman close to taper mode. But once bitten by that endurance zombie, once the miles and miles or training have flowed through your body there is no choice, no antidote no other option. Its an addiction. For Christ sake I have not had a warm shower since March because I believe It will give me 1% improvement on the day. This is not normal. It is not nice getting into a cold shower at 10pm, but it is enjoyable. It is not nice getting on your bike and heading for Bellmullet at 5am, but it is enjoyable. Its all not nice, but it is all so enjoyable.

Beware, you have been warned. This Zombie could bite you. Bite your neck